Things I did wrong today (toddler edition)

Things I did wrong today:

• read my toddler the book he asked for 
• went to the loo without him 
• let him walk when he asked to walk but it was too hot

Let me just add “weather god” to my list of attributes, because apparently it’s my fault that the mercury was too high and it wasn’t a comfortable temperature for a stroll. Unfortunately we have a dog whose energy is only matched by a toddler on e-numbers, so walking is non-negotiable and I won’t be taking further questions on the subject. A tired dog is a happy dog and I will forever apply the same logic to my two-year-old. 

Equation: feral spaniel + toddler + wide open space = running wild and free = a nap time longer than 46 seconds and a mother who won’t go completely grey overnight

Also, he asked to walk? You made your bed, hun.

Now, the book thing… that’s pretty commonplace. George has more books than me (a career writer with a degree in literature… lol) and is notoriously fickle. He also enjoys seeing me heave myself up and down to the bookshelf every time he decides he wants something new to read. And for context, unless he has a book, he won’t eat. Frazzled? Me? Never.

So toddler-boredom halfway through a book is par for the course. What I don’t appreciate is this: 

• Asking for a book by name (because that’s a thing now)
• Allowing me to struggle off our very low sofa for the 73rd time that morning 
• Getting all excited as I bring said requested book back
• Waiting while I present the book reverently to him, delighting in my newfound ability to decipher what he wants
• Looking at it lovingly for a moment, before shoving it back at me and screaming the toddler equivalent of “NO NOT THAT ONE, I CHANGED MY MIND THREE SECONDS AGO” 

What he actually said was “MMMMMMM!!!!!” while eyeballing me and batting the book clean off his toddler table, but I think we all know what that means. 

Of course the biggest betrayal of the day was daring to venture into the bathroom by myself. Apparently I waived my rights to a private wee back in June 2024, and now at all times must be accompanied by a sweaty rotisserie chicken who is surgically attached to my leg. 10/10 would recommend during a heatwave.

So yeah, I’m in the doghouse. Can’t wait to see what faux pas I unwittingly commit next.