1-2 no man’s land

Ahh, toddlerhood. That golden age between one and two, where your child argues with you in a language known only to them, staggering around like a drunk uncle at a wedding, zero balance yet somehow capable of covering more distance than the fastest land mammal. Do I go to the gym? No hun, I run everywhere at the speed of a bullet train. 

My boy has always used the word “mama” to ask for things. This is smart because when he was a baby, he was rewarded with excitement every time he said it. 

Quick calculation:

Say specific word + look cute = loads of attention and praise 

Overall result:

Use same word forever and ever because it gets a good reaction so why bother learning any others 

And lo, we are almost at two years old and still using the same tactics. He shouts “MAMA” 48 times an hour and points in the vague direction of whatever he wants next. Book, car, snack, power tool, all mama-and-point. Woe betide I get him the wrong thing. He gives me clear instructions and I am to follow them lest I wish to bring his toddlery wrath down upon me. Works like a charm; if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And definitely don’t bother extending your lexicon if you don’t need to. Why waste valuable brain power when you can conserve it for things that really matter, like masterminding a booby trap for your dog or watching Encanto for the 1837492016th time?

I remain in hope that one day he will ask me for things in a civil manner, without screaming my name and looking expectantly at me. I’m good but I’m not a mind reader, and “That’s not my pirate” sits right next to “That’s not my dog” on the shelf. I’m sorry I got you the wrong one, I didn’t mean to offend you. Here, have the book you wanted 3.8 seconds ago. You don’t want it now? Shall we put Disney+ on? *sigh*

I hear that the twos are terrible and then you enter the era of the threenager, so let’s give the 1-2 minefield the recognition it deserves. We’re fighting for our lives out here. 

Stay safe everyone.