Things that upset my toddler this morning

• He ate a sticky toffee flavour teabag and it did not taste nice 
• There was a picture of another book on the back page of the book he was already reading and it didn’t magically open when he tried to turn a page that didn’t exist

Toddlers, man. They’re like tiny CEOs, in charge of everything and prone to throwing their toys out of the pram for unexplained reasons. God forbid you give them a food they loved yesterday, because they HATE IT AND HAVE ALWAYS HATED IT. Sorry, I didn’t realise you had such strong feelings about Dairylea on toast.

And then they smile and say something very cute in their nonsense language and you forget that you have a fridge full of food that they despise. No mean feat in this economy. Do you have any idea how much that niche packet of pizza flavour* melty puffs set me back?

*in no universe has any baby snack ever been pizza flavoured. Flavours range from cardboard-adjacent to polystyrene and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.

Anyway, to my nearly-two-year old – I’m so sorry for trying to involve you in the breakfast-making process rather than shoving you in front of the Wiggles. I just couldn’t face another chorus of Rock-a-Bye Your Bear at 7.38am. Perhaps tomorrow we could eat our porridge rather than a mouthful of Yorkshire brew, and maybe you could refrain from switching on the oven timer so that it beeps for 40 minutes while I’m stuck upstairs trying to feed you and wrestle you into some clothes.

What was that? You hate porridge now?

Let mummy get the teabags out again…