The mum, the myth, the legend

Have you ever been given parenting advice?

HA. That was clearly a joke. No parent alive has ever escaped the (largely well-meaning, often unsolicited) suggestions on how to improve everything from sleep patterns to snack habits. The trouble is, some of them are trotted out so often that we never stop to think about how practical they are.

So, today, we’re going to choose our favourite parenting myths and pieces of advice that make ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE (to me, anyway.)

1. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

And never bathe, sterilise a bottle or eat ever again.

In fairness, this one is pretty good advice if you can manage it. I’m just salty because I never quite cracked it. I wish I’d been able to, but for me nap times have always been a mad dash round the house to recover odd socks, chuck on a wash and eat a Pot Noodle in the shower before my son wakes up again.

If you have a magic trick for achieving both housework and sleep, teach me your ways, PLEASE.

2. They can’t be hungry again.

Wanna bet?

3. Just wait until…

This would be fine, apart from the fact that it’s always followed by something negative.

Your baby slept through the night? “Oh, just wait until the four/nine/eleven/three hundred and six month regression.”

Loves their food? “Just wait until they decide they hate everything.”

Let’s flip the script on this one. If you’re passing on wisdom to a new parent, try “just wait until that first smile” and give them something to look forward to. Parenting has its good bits, people!

4. Relax or your milk won’t flow.

Said to me by an exasperated doctor who was readmitting my week-old baby to hospital. Maybe if my newborn wasn’t dropping centiles like a stone…

And don’t even get me started on the post-partum hormones. They’ve got one hell of a lot to answer for.

What’s the best (worst) advice you’ve been given as a new parent?