Motorised toddlers and all their chaos

I got lucky. My boy didn’t crawl until he was a year and six days old. I distinctly remember the date because that was the last time I sat down.

So I haven’t been writing much, but I’ve been running after a baby since the 20th of June and I’m not sure I’ve slept in the meantime. The main plus side is that my son is so exhausted from Speedy Gonzalez-ing away from me that he now naps like it’s an Olympic sport. Swings and roundabouts.

As I sit here (for the last 45 minutes, with a HOT cup of tea, what a treat) I’ve got half an eye on series three of Squid Game, half an eye on the baby monitor, three quarters of an eye on my phone (feverishly typing in the hope I get this finished before someone wakes up) and most of my brain on the deadly toddler obstacle course that is my living room. I never really thought of my house as particularly unsafe but now it seems akin to something you’d see in the Saw franchise. Everywhere you look, another death trap. Sharp corners, decorative rocks, bottles of bathroom cleaner in a basket rather than triple locked in a safe… it’s a wonder he’s made it through this far. Having said that, he has a distinct advantage – he’s learnt how to fall because he lives with a spaniel who knocks him over at least seven times a day. So at least he’s gaining skills in this hazardous training arena we call home. 

One of these days, I’ll get round to putting socket covers over the plugs and bumpers on every table edge. But until then, I’ll be relying on shouting “NO, George” and hoping that he’ll start listening to me rather than laughing hysterically. I thought babies were supposed to take notice of loud noises, but this one just cackles. I think he may need new batteries.

And to my friends whose baby started crawling at six months old… you have my sympathies. I don’t know how you’ve done it for the last seven months without a nervous breakdown but you’re an example to us all. Now, if you can pass on your baby proofing tips, I’ll use the next nap time to de-hazard my house…